Castles and Casks

September 2, 2022

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

One of my favorite movies, Monty Python and the Holy Grail was filmed at this Doune Castle not far from Stirling. For Monty Python fans, it's almost like a pilgrimage to visit! But before I taunt you a second time, we'll take a visit to Stirling, its castle, a monument, bridge, and new distillery that is part of a new wave of Scottish liquors.

An even quick train ride from Glasgow is Stirling. The train station is in the valley in the city center and my hotel is a few twists and turns up the hill to the Stirling Highland Hotel.

Along Baker Street

I arrived late morning, too soon for check-in, so I left my bags at the hotel and hiked up the hill higher to the castle.

He who holds Stirling, holds Scotland

Stirling Castle sits at the top of town on a strategic bluff. Armies would be seen coming for miles away. Below the crag, the surrounding area is flat, and the River Forth twists through it. Mary, Queen of Scots reigned here as well as many James' descendants. Later, the British reigned and built it up further to defend against rebellious Jacobites. They are the followers of the Stuart James heirs and so were bombarding their own home to try to win it back. They failed, retreated to Culloden and were decimated there.

Scotland heroes William "Braveheart" Wallace, and Robert the Bruce had stirring victories as well as defeats near here. The movie fails at history with the battle of Stirling Bridge.

Wallace's men hid in the trees and brush above the bridge. As the British Army begins to cross the bridge over the Forth, a lone carpenter hides under the bridge. When the enemy crosses, the carpenter removes a key cog of the bridge and it collapses, isolating the English and sending troops and equipment into the river. The Scots emerge from hiding and rout the Brits.

The bridge here is of course a replica. Nearby up in to the forest, is a monument to Wallace. 

Most people visit Stirling as a day trip from Glasgow or Edinburgh, but it is worth a night and full day to visit these historical landmarks. 

The new gin distillery, Stirling Gin, house in a cute old municipal bulding is small but might be making me a gin convert. The stuff I had when I was 21 left a lifelong lasting hatred of it. But Stirling was delicious when mixed with tonic or sparkling water. They also have a few unique flavored varieties. Many distilleries are beginning to produce gin, because it does not need to be aged and recent laws in the UK have made it easier to make. 

Just northwest of Stirling, perhaps a half hour drive, is Doune Castle. This castles was built for the Duke of Albany, but never a residence of other royalty. The Duke died before it was completed.

The fun part of Doune is the movies that have been filmed here. Outlander fans will notice the courtyard was used in some scenes.

Of course for me, it is the Monty Python scenes that brought me here. The audio guide is even narrated by the late Terry Jones, a Monty Python co-founder and director of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Scenes filmed here:

The song and dance from Camelot

Swamp Castle, inept guards not guarding Herbert as he jumps out the window

Swamp Castle where Sir Lancelet murders most of the guest, in his quest to save...Herbert. Message for you sit!

The trojan rabbit where they are supposed to hide in the rabbit, but forgot to. "Um, look, if we build a large wooden badger" 

The French soldiers insulting King Arthur and the Knights: ""You don't frigthen us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur king, you and your silly English knnnnigets. Thppppt!"

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!  Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

Castle Anthrax, where Sir Galahad was "rescued" from certain temptation!

Nearby I also took a visit to the Kelpies, giant horse statues and the Falkirk Wheel, a device used to move boats or ships from one section of the canal to the next level down. An alternative idea to locks that fill a slot in the water that lets the boat go down to the lower section of the canal.

They're kind of quirky, but a fun quick side trip.

Onward to my home base for 3 nights to Highlands Pitlochry.

Near the River Spey, over 100 distilleries call this Speyside home. I came here to visit and tour where I can, and taste some of the others. I visited Glenfiddich, one of the top 2 whisky makers in the world, and my favorite Balvenie. They are actually side by side on the same very large 1000 acres of land, and owned by the same family, William Grant & Sons.

You may think these mutliple distilleries settled on this Spey valley because of the water. But actually, they derive the water for the whisky from the many natural springs in the area. But the main reason for the location is that the barley required for malting is grown en masse here. In the early days, the railroads going through the area also made it easier for the whisky to be sent to other parts of the country and the world. So, it isn't just what's in the water!

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

Balvenie - Speyside

All whisky in Scotland is made from barley and by law must be aged in oak. Almost all use American White Oak from former Bourbon casks. Some distilleries like Balvenie then transfer the aged whisky into other wood casks like sherry or rum for additional flavor and slight aging only a few months. 

Glenfiddich next door has slightly different still shapes. The shape of the still, the amount of time and water and water temperature in the boiling and mixing process, then the aging and casking all contribute to the variety of flavors you see all over Scotland. Even the weather and environment can contribute. In the west coast, whisky can get its flavor from the salt air and many there use blocks from peat bogs to heat the water to give it a smokey "peat" flavor. Talisker and Oban among others. Ardbeg is really really peaty and way too much so for me.

Glenfiddich - Speyside

Glenfiddich - Speyside

Glenfiddich - Speyside

Dalwhinnie - Speyside

Tarmore (Chivas) - Speyside

Edradour near Pitlochry, closed until 2023

Oban

Talisker - Skye

Aberlour - Speyside

I'll come home with some bottles of whisky and gin, but none I think will be as unique as this delicious cask pull bottled whisky by me from Balvenie. 

 

If you want to go to Scotland and visit a distillery or two, pick some you like or have heard of, or the ones I mentioned. But book very very early. I booked both tours three months in advance. They fill quickly and early.  It is extremely rare that you can just show up without a booking and expect to get in a tour. And really, the process is the same for them all. But the thing is at most places, you have to take the tour to get a tasting. Not all, but a lot do. You can do tastings at Talisker (they have a bar) and Aberlour, if you are not driving, then it is just a "noser", a sniff of it in a glass.

All told, I visited 6 whisky distilleries, with tours at 3 of them, shops at 3 others, and photos of 2 that were closed (Tormore and Edradour).

Even if you don't like whisky I think they're all worth a visit. Slainte!

Next, Games and Misadventures in the Highlands!